Why is your signature on my underwear?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can you bring me the toilet please
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
