Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
