I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
