I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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