Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize