So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
