I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
