Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
