what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
