Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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