tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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