I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
