you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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