Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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