just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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