toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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