and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
