this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize