I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
