im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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