I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Never underestimate the power of titties
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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