someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
