first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
