we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
