he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
