I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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