Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
