My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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