I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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