Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
God I need to hump something, right now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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