He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
