My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
