I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
