How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
