Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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