I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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