Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
