I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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