Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize