Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
