were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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