arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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