this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
