I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
