I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
