I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize