Sponge bath it is.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
