I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
