Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
