Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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