I just saw a hot homeless man
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
