You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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