How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
