I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
