Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
