You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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