You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I want a musical about memes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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