Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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