Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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