I wish I could teleport
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
