i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
