I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
