I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
