And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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