Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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