I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
