sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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