I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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