Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Too much gin, very little bucket
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
